23:33 // 2003.05.10
Music: Alien Ant Farm - Smooth Criminal
Reading: (nothing)
k, I'm finished with the main page (blog) of the new layout. I want to change to a new guestbook though. I was looking at xeobook, but Brinkster doesn't support MySQL, at least not the free hosting. Anyone know any free hosts that support PHP4 and MySQL for free and without banner ads? Hmm, actually, maybe I should just use Lycos UK for it. Although there will be banner ads, it'll be okay, cuz you can close it at the top. Hm.... I'll look into that. Plus, I need to work on the layout for the rest of the sections of the website.
13:07 // 2003.05.07
Music: The Postal Service - Nothing Better
Reading: Amy Tan - The Hundred Secret Senses
A thorough recap of my weekend in Los Angeles.
Camille wins, 7-4½
We planned to leave at 6 pm on Thursday night, but with Asian time in full effect, we didn't leave til 10 pm. haha. I arrived at UCLA at 5 am, Friday morning. Poor Camille, I made her stay up all night long. She sounded so sleepy on the phone. Camille forced, literally, forced me to sleep on her bed, while she slept on the hard ground. First victory for her.
The next morning (May 2nd) I met Camille's roomie Kelly before she left for Las Vegas later that night. Then Camille and I went to Bruin Walk and met up with her friends, Diana and Juliana, to get tickets for the upcoming Pilipino Culture Night event. I always thought Pilipino was spelled like Filipino, but I guess not. The last time I saw Juliana was with Pui during, what, the summer before junior year at the Dominican Sisters luncheon? It's been a while. We waited in that queue (haha, borrowing from Hatty) for an hour or more, all because there was only one guy manually entering in everyone information. You would think they could just swipe the BruinCard and all the info would be there. After they got the tickets, I saw Christine. Haha, what a coincidence. She said that she'd tell Derek, Brian and Jen that I was on campus, and maybe we'd meet up later. She never called, hmph. I'm not bitter.... Yvonne, go kick Derek and Brian's asses for me when you see them next time! haha.
Anyway, Camille showed me some of the landmark fountains on campus. First, we went to the Inverted Fountain. Rather than water spewing outward, it cascaded into the depths in the center. Some say it looks like a toilet with the building as the tank, and of course, the fountain as the toilet bowl. Then Camille showed me the fountain near Royce Hall. I don't know the name of that fountain though; I'll have to do some research. We sat by the fountain and chatted for a little while. Camille showed me the mysterious cotton tree. Yes, cotton tree. I always thought that cotton grew in little bushes or stalks, like you see in pictures of cotton plantations, but sure enough "cotton balls" were scattered around the tree. They were more silky than fluffy though. Plus, this tree had these huge thorns. Such a nice juxtaposition of characteristics: soft, gentle "cotton" and menacing thorns.
I still can't get over how beautiful the UCLA campus is: the architecture of the brick buildings, the open air, sunshine, and overall landscape. The UCLA campus is the nicest of all the UCs in my humble opinion.
We had to rush to Camille's Classics class after that. I decided to join her, so I could get a feel of what classes at UCLA are like. The class wasn't that bad. The professor was using the computer and projector, so it reminded me a lot of art class. After the one hour class, we went to lunch. There isn't much use for cash on the UCLA campus. Everything is paid for using your BruinCard. Then again you use cash to add value to your card at the kiosks, but you have to swipe the card in order to make purchases on campus. Therefore, I wasn't able to pay for my own lunch. One punto for Camille. The actual cafeteria, I suppose they call it dining hall or something to that effect, is quite nice. Maybe because it was the newest residential complex, De Neve, but everything was so nice, clean and modern. There are different stations offering a vast variety of meals like Asian-American food (teriyaki chicken and vegetable rice), Italian food (pizza and pasta), a salad bar, a sandwich bar (make your own sandwich), and others. The best part, they all offer a vegetarian alternative, so people don't have to make any special accommodations for me when deciding what to eat. The food was quite good, especially the teriyaki rice. The pasta was a little dry and hard though.
During lunch, I met some more of Camille's friends: Pat and Carolyn. Both were really funny and quirky. I think Carolyn left the most lasting impression. She enthusiastically talked about different flavored lip balm the entire time, even suggesting the idea of creating food flavored lip balm like fried chicken and steak. Very amusing. Actually, that's probably not too bad of an idea. It's an untapped market, you never know. I'd request pearl milk tea, tsa sao bao, and fried rice flavors =) Hey, she can create different ethnic series. She has that slightly eccentric personality that I like. She'd make everyday life, just that much more interesting.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I saw Rion in the dining hall as well. I was looking around, and his eyes caught mine, and my eyes caught his. After a brief moment, we both recognized each other. lolz. He was just as surprised to see me, as I was to see him. We chatted for a little bit. And after lunch, while walking toward Westwood, Camille and I saw Sean. Man, seeing everyone these days. We went to this store called Oz (I think that's the spelling). It sells lots of different stuff, sorta like Spencer's here, a ton of character-themed items like Spongebob Squarepants, The Dog, Hello Kitty, LA Lakers, etc. I saw this talking President Bush doll, and I was so tempted to buy it just because it was funny, but I didn't.
We met Pat and Diana at Diddy Riese, a local favorite cookie store, and had ice cream cookie sandwiches. Only .00 each! But Camille, sneaky one she is, forked over another dollar to the cashier to pay for my sandwich while I was still choosing the ice cream. I objected, but the cashier said something in Spanish, and there was a huge line behind me. Camille: one punto. =( Grrr. From now on, I am ordering stuff before Camille, always get in front of her in lines. The four of us sat outside eating our ice cream sandwiches and cookies, feeding the sparrows, shooing away the pigeons, and reminiscing. The boba and pigeons in San Francisco with Wenschel. Funny stuff. Oh and I must mention that I successfully kept a hold on my digicam, preventing Camille from stuffing it in her purse. (I want the point.)
By the time we got back it was about time for the Spring Sing. It's sort of like a talent show where students perform skits, sing and dance. While we were waiting in line it started sprinkling, but as time went on, it only got worse. They were selling thin, plastic ponchos with "UCLA Bruins" plastered all over it for .00 each. At first we were scoffing at them, carrying on about how UCLA is merchandising everything from typical college sweatshirts to umbrellas to toy trains and now ponchos. After a while, the rain was too much, and we couldn't stay huddled under one umbrella for the entire show. Initially, I tried a few times, unsuccessfully, to go buy 3 ponchos for us, but in the end, Camille and Juliana finally relented and let me buy ponchos for all of us. Hurrah, 1 punto for me!
When we finally entered the stadium, it was a sea of yellow ponchos. The seats were flooded, but we brought plastic bags to sit on. I took a ton of pictures of the show, all sort of distant shots because the zoom on my camera didn't go that far. The little skits in-between performances actually stood out more than the actual performances themselves. The only performances I really liked was Ed Rhee and Funkland Security. Ed Rhee sang and played the keyboard, and he got a ton of applause. Camille and I speculate it's simply because he's Asian. He was quite good-looking too, at least from the distance that I could see.
The best part is definitely the skits though. While they were setting up for the next group, there were little skits to keep the audience entertained. The best one was the bus one. You really had to be there to get the full effect, but I'll try my best to describe it for you. This guy is on a crowded bus and his cell phone begins to ring. The guy proudly picks it up thinking "Oh I'm so cool. People call me." Then in this really loud, obnoxious voice he booms, "Jimmy? Oh hi! I'm gonna talk really loudly now." The other people shush him, and the conversation continues, "Jimmy, I'm gonna have to whisper?! (whispering quite loudly now) Jimmy?!! Jimmy!! You're breaking up! There's only one bar left!" "I'm gonna talk about something really personal now! Remember that rash? It's herpes!" I couldn't stop laughing. It was hilarious! There was another skit, not as funny as the previous one but just about. It was a ballad about an AIM love. She blocked me, OMG, Cyberskank. =) I need to get the lyrics to that song, and show you what I mean. Oh, and one more interesting thing. There was a semi-streaker during one the breaks. By semi-streaker I mean, the guy was naked except for a little Speedo. It was funny. He was dancing around, striking poses, and slid across the wet stage.
By the time the first half of the show ended, and they presented k.d. Lang with a musical award, all three of us were freezing. The ponchos didn't do too well. Our pants were still soaked through, and we were all wet and miserable. Hey, even Camille was feeling fairly bad, so you know horrible it was. We decided not to stay for the second half of the show. We got back to the dorms, showered, and changed into dry clothes. Ah, it was so much better. Camille was gonna go back outside to get dinner, but through reason, we decided to just stay inside and have top ramen and macaroni and cheese for dinner. I'll give myself ½ point, since she really was planning on going outside, but I was able to help persuade her to stay. We ate while watching TV. We still can't quite figure out what Tom yam noodles are, and believe it or not, we failed twice in making Easy Mac. Easy Mac, people. We failed twice. lolz. Anyway, we just ate, watched TV, and chatted. Camille fell asleep while watching TV, and I can't blame her. I deprived her of sleep the previous night. I decided to take advantage of the situation. I moved my blanket and pillow the floor and slept there, allowing her to wake up with no choice but to sleep on the bed. muahaha. I fight dirty. 1 punto for me.
The next morning, Saturday, we had breakfast in the dining hall. Camille paid for my portion again; 1 punto for her. =( Then Juliana, Camille, and I walked to Mann theater and watched Better Luck Tomorrow. Camille pulled another sneaky trick. I handed over my portion of the money for the tickets so we could all pay at once. She got the tickets and then handed my portion of the money back to me! Wahh! (1 point for Camille). I liked the movie. It wasn't the best movie, but it had me captivated throughout the entire thing. Like I mentioned to people before, I know immediately whether or not I like the cinematography, which I liked immensely in BLT, but I'm not so sure about the plot. Now that I think about it, I guess I did like the movie. I was amazed by how people could do so much: get perfect grades, have a regular job, do volunteer work, get wasted, go to parties, and run a cheatsheet scam. I guess some people are just that efficient. Just as a sidenote, we (Camille and I) agree that Ben, Parry Shen, is the best-looking of the group, with Steve, John Cho, running a close second. And it was unanimous that Virgil, Jason Tobin, was just weird-looking. He was compared to a frog by Juliana, the poor guy. lolz.
We got back and it was already time for Pilipino Night. I was planning on staying in Camille's dorm, cuz I wasn't sure when my parents would be back in LA and plus, I couldn't get tickets to the show since I wasn't a student there. Once again Camille convinced me to go (1 point), but only a few ultimatums after. I tried, unsuccessfully to agree to go the event only if she allowed me to pay her for the meals and the movie ticket. I did, however get her to agree to a meal in a restaurant, my treat.
The Pilipino event was very good. The acting and script was great. There were a few nurse and karaoke jokes. Lots of one-liners. Here are a few which I remember. 1.) "Think with your brain, not your head." 2.) "I look up to you." "That's because I'm taller than you!" 3.) "You need to fit in." "What, like your pants fit you?" (referring to the saggin hip hop pants) 4.) and the constant balikbayan box references (think of it as the ultimate care package). Once again I took a ton of pictures. I'm almost done uploading and organizing the photo album. I'll put a little note in here when I'm finished.
The show ended around 10 pm so the dining hall was closed, and Camille, once again, used her BruinCard to purchase dinner at Puzzles (1 point for her). And we ate the takeout burgers and french fries (freedom fries?) in her dorm while watching TV. My parents came around 11 pm to pick me up. We didn't leave without getting Camille to agree to come with us to Venice beach the following morning and have lunch with us (1 point).
So, come Sunday morning, we picked up Camille and headed toward Santa Monica to see my aunt and Peter. I saw Momo too, my aunt's dog that I took care of a few months ago. She seems a lot smaller, as if she shrank. I think she remembered me, cuz she was licking my hand and wasn't barking or anything. She was still a little nervous and jumpy though, as always. We went to this nice little restaurant called The Rose Garden for lunch. The bowtie pasta I had was quite delicious. I'm not sure about what the other people had though. I assume it was good, it sure looked good. After lunch, we headed for Venice beach. The beach is just as energetic as Pier 39 is in San Francisco, with all the small shops and street performers. We walked along the street cooing at all the little dogs, admiring the architecture of the beach houses, and plotting how to steal a X2 poster (don't ask). There was even a gym on the beach with machines and weights. All these really big, built guys strutting around working out on the beach. I should've taken a picture of it. There were so many cute dogs. Yes, Camille, a little Yorkie would be perfect.
We drove Camille back to the UCLA campus, since it was about time for us to hit the road if we wanted to get home before it was too late (it was a work day the next day). Yup, so that was a gargantuan entry about my trip. I probably should work on adding some more insight to the trip rather than just regurgitating the events and activities of the trip.
Anyway, here is a new to do list:
1. clean computer of HAP virus
2. move ES to new host (Brinkster)
3. test the new site for the virus (it's clean, thanks Judy)
4. register for summer 2003 classes
5. register for fall 2003 classes
6. learn vector graphics (AI10)
7. create Dean Cain layout for Camille
8. organize Lake Chabot photo album
9. organize UCLA photo album
10. upload Dean Cain layout
09:16 // 2003.04.30
Music: ShinHwa - Ride with Me (what a ghetto, wannabe hardcore title)
Reading: My Sociology notes
Aw sheeznit! Ethics term paper is due tomorrow, and I'm not done yet. I swear, I need to stop focusing on the details right now, like word choice and logical order (okay, maybe a little), and just type everything down, and go back and revise later. Of course, you know me, meticulous me ("What?!? Did Janice make this? Nooooo...." lolz.). I get so hung up on the small details that I put all of my other thoughts on hold until I get that one sentence right. I really should stop doing that.
Other random points of interest:
1.) I need to get a new cell phone. I killed mine yesterday. I was trying to put on a new face plate, and stupidly I didn't do my homework and figure out the proper way to disassemble the thing, and everything fell out. I was able to put it back together, and the phone itself works, but I think I messed up the antenna cuz it can't get any signal at all.
2.) I have decided that I will be shutting down the media page of this site. I'll probably do one final update and accept requests up to a certain date, and then that's it. The page is gone. Apparently some people can't read the huge ass notices on the pages, cuz I keep getting requests. No offense, but if you requested stuff, I just didn't bother to reply. I still have the requests, and I will fulfill them eventually, but not right now.
3.) Yes, I want to name my car. (See previous entry for a picture.) Hehe, I'm gonna post in some forums and see what names people come up with. So far, Camille and I are going with a hick theme: Ol' Betsy, Ol' Bessie, Cletus, Silverado (apparently its a horse, but it reminds me of a hotel), and Nikki suggested Elvis. fun fun.
4.) I really need to make a new layout for my blog. Need inspiration. Any gasoos you'd like to be featured on here?
5.) I need to move ES to a new server, cuz of the damned bug on that server.
6.) Need to update my photo album.
20:19 // 2003.04.28
Music: ShinHwa - Wedding
Reading: Beckwith and Jones - Affirmative Action
I want to name my car. It's a '91 Silver Toyota Camry. Any suggestions? Camille and I were thinking of some. So far: Silverado and Cletus (notice the hick influence). The "hicker" the better; the more crazy, the better.
23:49 // 2003.04.25
Music: Rich - Starting Today
Reading: Art supplements
I just realized that I have so much crap to do in the next two weeks.
04/26 Art worksheet (Classic Art) due
Get together with the ol' Art gang (Doris, Anita, Vincent, etc.)
Call about job opening
04/27 Ideally, finish Philosophy term paper by today
04/28 Work on Astronomy presentation
04/29 Register for Summer 2003 classes (sometime this week)
Astronomy test
04/30 Work on Astronomy presentation
05/01 Philosophy term paper due
mad last minute packing
Leave for LA around 9pm
05/02 Arrive in LA
go to UCLA (Can't go to the KCF)
Spring Sing? (Can't remember the name of the event)
Sleep over in Camille's dorm (hurrah!)
05/03 Hang out with Camille, Cindy, Juliana, etc.
05/04 Venice beach
05/06 Philosophy exam (Marriage/Family)
Astronomy presentation
05/08 Art (Classical Greece and Rome) quiz
Shit. It looks like I'll be pulling a Jenny (Remember that from the Mill Creek days, Yvonne?). I won't be sleeping for a few days. Heh, I probably should get back to my Art worksheet. Then again, I can probably afford to do shitty on this one anyway. I have a 97.85% in the class. (Not to toot my own horn, but I don't need to focus on this class too much; I can prioritize other classes ahead of it, e.g. Philosophy and Astronomy.)
As for the stuff about Jordan and the other. I'm not bitter anymore about that situation. I don't feel much of anything. I really don't give a fuck. Okay, I do, but I'm not consumed by it. The only thing that bothers me now is the principle of it all. If you are going to do something that I don't approve of, then at least tell me. Don't say you'll won't do it, then go ahead and do it anyway, especially more than once and behind my back. Don't lie to me. Can I still trust that person? I sure hope so. It'll just take time. That is what really hurts.
Turn 180°. I want a dog (schnoodles are so cute, but any small/medium dog will do [not too much shedding though]). I want my own apartment. I want a boyfriend. I want erasable highlighters. I want a job. I want a laptop. I want this. I want that. Am I asking for too much? (Btw, I plan get this stuff on my own eventually, from my effort. So don't go out and get me any of this stuff, except maybe the puppy? =P )
Okay, gotta finish this damned Art worksheet.
17:59 // 2003.04.18
Music: Jay Chou - Kai Bu Liao Ko
Reading: (nothing)
I tried it yesterday. (half-hearted smile) I sat there for 45 minutes, crying, holding Shadow, and trying to sleep. My head hurts now, and I feel weak all over. Sleep never came. Interpret it as you wish.
23:22 // 2003.04.16
Music: Byul - December 32nd
Reading: (nothing)
Okay, this is will seem like old news, but I can't help it. It keeps on happening. Once again it is about Jordan. I don't know how much I should write about it here. I will censor myself to some degree. Ah shit. I can't write about it here. I want to unload on someone, but there is no one here to unload upon. Normally, I would call either of my two closest friends, the two that know about my feelings toward Jordan (actually there are 3), but I can't.
I feel so lonely. I've always felt so lonely. I just want to be loved and wanted. In the beginning, I thought he liked me, but lately he's been so distant. Ugh, I can't unload on here. I don't want other people reading this. I need to talk to someone, but there's no one here right now. I don't know anyone at school well enough to bother them with my problems. It would probably scare them away, if they knew what I've been through before. Actually, I don't think people realize how easily depressed I get. I don't think they realize how low my self-esteem is. They don't know how lonely I am. I had my close group of friends in high school, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, but you know how it goes. I've never had anyone like me before, at least not that I know of. And I just get so jealous of people who have so many friends and guys that like them. I get so mad. I know it's not their fault, but still, it hurts. It makes me realize what I don't have. It's not that I don't have friends at school right now, but they just aren't close friends as I would like. Like I mentioned before, I can't confide anything in them.
While typing this, I was chatting with Kenneth. Hi Kenneth, if you are reading this. I ended up unloading on him. Thanks for everything, Kenneth, and thank you for your advice. I've come to the conclusion that I will try my best push my attachment to Jordan away. It's just not worth it anymore. If he said that he liked me too, then yes, it would make me very happy. But for the meantime, for the sake of my sanity and well-being and entire attitude, I have to forget about him. He is causing me too much pain. I hate it. There are a lot of other reasons why, but I won't go into it. Actually, now that I think about it, I have been pushing both of the parties involved away. It is for my own good. It is just be temporarily, but it is necessary. This is enough divulging for the world to see. I will probably unload on those friends later.
Okay, I have to go listen to "The Tra La La Song" continually for a few hours now. Anything to brighten my mood, even if just a little bit. Must go distract myself with other things. Thank you, Camille for the late night talk. It was nice getting my mind off this entire situation. Sorry, I couldn't say more. If I started, I would probably start to cry. Thank you for the laughs that night. "Just 5 minutes" My butt! hehe. 2+ hours into the wee hours of 1 or 2 am.
17:47 // 2003.04.13
Music: Alex To (feat. Yumi Kobayashi) - Why
Reading: (nothing)
Damn, a lot of hardcore webmistresses and bloggers are quitting. I realize that I don't have much to blog about anymore either. No one reads this, and no one comments or signs the guestbook. Aish, I feel so unappreciated. My webdesigning skills haven't improved any either. Rant, rant, rant. I guess my entries are much better and deep when I have something of substance to complain about or to obsess over.
17:32 // 2003.04.09
Music: Baek JiYoung - One Love
Reading: (nothing)
First of all, you guys have to listen to this clip of Baek JiYoung doing his rendition of "One Love" (listen to the stream of the second to last clip on this page). "Can you speak English? I can speak English. Only English. Sorry. I can't speak Korean." It is hilarious. This guy is such a riot. Btw, the stuff he is saying in the beginning is, "One Love. Since the first time we met. Through all the times we've had. I thank God that I found you." =) Okay, moving on.
I swear there are these two people from school that think I'm a Nazi. No joke. I was waiting by the elevator holding my binder, and this one girl was talking there with her friend. She keep on giving me this dirty look, and I thought it was cuz she thought I was eavesdropping on their conversation, which I wasn't. She kept on staring at me, and finally I just left, and walked down the stairs. Then on my way out, it hit me why she must've been looking at me strangely. She must've seen my binder and misinterpreted what it was. On the front cover of my binder I had this poster/picture. My arm was covering the bottom left portion, covering the "empty" portion of the swastika, so it must've looked like it was the real thing!!!!! Wah! When I realized that, I was like "Oh @$^@! They must think I am a racist." lolz. Sigh, I took out the poster as soon as I got home. Looking for a less controversial one now. =)
01:29 // 2003.04.09
Music: Turbo - History
Reading: UPS website
My dad was a little skeptical of my decision on cognitive science. He didn't actually tell me, but my mom was sitting right next to me when they had the discussion about it over the phone. My mom was defending me a little too. She was saying how sometimes you just have to try different things to know if it is what interests you. My dad sent me an e-mail today. He is overseas right now. "Looks like you are going thru intense research these days for this rather important matter -and planning ahead is crucial. Wish you success!" It makes me happy, that I actually have support, even though it is cautious, from the family.
Also, I was telling my mom on Saturday, just how relieved I felt now. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Before, I really had no clue as to what I wanted to do. Although I am not 100% sure if I want to pursue a CogSci major, I am seriously considering it as a viable option. Now that I know what I want, I can finally begin the process of transferring. I know exactly what classes I need to take in addition to the IGETC. No longer am I just wandering aimlessly around, without a real sense of direction. It feels so much better. I can finally breathe.
11:22 // 2003.04.07
Music: Jolin Tsai - BuLaGe GuanChang
Reading: IKEA virtual catalog
I just gotta say that my new counselor kicks ass. He's already on top of everything. Unlike the other lady, she just sat there an talked about how she wasn't sure which UC is a good choice for my major. My new counselor, Mr. L., already started a folder for me before I came in, and he already had a printout of all the classes I took. He printed out the classes requirements and cross-checked them from the requirements listed at the UCLA website. He is gonna call UCLA today or tomorrow to specifically ask about the requirements for me. Then, once we have all that settled, he will help me schedule my classes. Isn't he awesome? He kicks ass. Hurrah!
This summer looks like it will be very busy. I have so many options. 1.) Go to China for the internship. 2.) Work at the camp and summer classes at night 3.) Classes in the morning and find a job with afternoon hours.
Option 1: My dad wants me to intern for his company in China this summer. I will be working on the design team. It sounds like a great opportunity, no doubt, but he wants me to be there the entire 3 months. I won't be able to take any summer classes, as I planned, to spread out the workload, so I'm fairly resistent to the idea.
Option 2: I want to get this job at a summer camp, but the hours aren't all that flexible. It's 8am - 5pm, and it pays up to 0 per week. It sounds good at first, but after some calculation, it's only around p/h. YMCA is also hiring for summer camp. They pay .50 p/h, but I think the hours are more flexible and it's a lot closer than the other camp. I won't have to cross any bridges and pay toll. Well, I'll apply to both and decide from there. If I go to the first one, then I dunno what I'll do with my classes. They conflict, since summer classes are usually in the mornings to afternoons.
Option 3: This is the most ideal situation: I can go to class and get a job. I want to take BIOL-130, but it's
8 8304 LEC MTWTH 08:30AM 10:45AM
8 8304 LAB MTWTH 11:00AM 01:15PM
Lolz, Camille. I'll translate for ya'll. Monday - Thursday from 8:30am to 10:45am there is lecture, from 11:00am to 1:15pm it's lab. As you can see, it takes up a huge chunk of time. So I would have to find a class after 1:15, which I doubt would apply to camps. Argh, why does it have to be like that? Hmph. Well, I guess I'll continue job hunting.
Okay, I gotta get back to my studying. Astronomy test on Tuesday; Ethics test on Thursday; Sociology second midterm on Friday. Bye.
16:39 // 2003.04.02
Music: Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson - Somewhere Out There
Reading: UCLA Transfer Admission
Remember how I said I thought I had convinced my parents that Psychology was a viable option as a major? Well, I was wrong. They are still strongly opposed to it. They want me to major in Business or Accounting. I talked to the counselor today, and she said that I could just go to a CSU for those majors. I don't want to transfer to a CSU. If I were to transfer to a UC with a Business major, then UCR or UCB are my best choices. I dunno, I don't find either really appealing. I want to go to UCLA. I thought about it some more, and I realize that I really, really don't want to be a business major. I was looking at UCLA's transfer admission information on their website, and I was thinking about a major in Cognitive Science. I know it's not a huge jump from Psychology. I wonder how my parents would take it. I think a major in Cognitive Science would be very useful in the real world (of course, one's major doesn't determine one's career, but still). With that major, I would be involved with AI, which I think is one of the huge developments recently, and will be more so later on. Plus, I already finished the General Admission requirements, am almost completed with my IGETC requirements, and finished a lot of the major preparation requirements for Cognitive Science. A lot of the requirements overlap, so all I really need to take are my science classes and C++ classes. The rest, I'm basically done with. I will see a different counselor on Monday. I didn't like the counselor I talked to today. I wanted the other counselor, Cindy N., but she is just a part-time counselor and she doesn't specialize in transfer agreements, but I like her. She was very helpful and easy to talk to last time.
Oh and guess what. My mom told me the other day, even if I did get accepted to a UC after high school, I probably wouldn't be able to go cuz of finances. We wouldn't get the FAFSA stuff either. So, I'm off to get some scholarships.
I'm starting to feel a little better now. I was really fucked up the past few days. I have another focus now, so it is all good. It will take my mind off other things. Wish me luck. Bye.
22:39 // 2003.03.30
Music: Chicago OST - All that Jazz
Reading: (nothing)
This past week was just plain awesome. I haven't had so much fun in a long time. I'm still elated from the week. Last week a bunch of my high school friends came back for spring break, so we got together all week long.
I think it was Friday night, Camille and I had a long chat on the phone for more than 2 hours (Hey, free local calls). On Saturday night, Windy called and we also had a long chat on the phone. On Sunday, Wenschel, Camille and I gathered at Camille's house to watch some movies. Wenschel rented "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" (hilarious movie) and I brought a pirated version of "Chicago" my dad brought back from China (just like with "LotR" it had the "screening copy" captioning). I didn't get to finish "Chicago" cuz I had class on Monday morning. So that was the weekend.
On Monday, after class, Windy and I went shopping at Best Buy and Target; we bought Jamba Juice (those sizes are way too big); we perused at Barnes and Noble for a while, Windy checking out the Sci-Fi books while I was looking at different computer books. After that, we sat in the car in the parking lot finishing our Jamba Juice (we left them in the car to melt a little bit, and plus no drinks allowed in B&N) and talked for an hour or more about all different topics. Then we headed to Southland to window shop for a little bit. There was this carnival set up outside in the parking lot so we checked that out. There wasn't anyone there so all the people manning the booths were calling out to us like "Hey there, ladies!" and "Hey pretty girls!". I found it funny and sorta creepy. It sounded like something predators would say, and I was joking with Windy about this. I guess you just had to have been there. This one lady did manage to suck us into a game of coin toss. Of course, we didn't win anything.
On Tuesday, nothing, cuz I had class from 9:30 in the morning til 7:00 in the evening. On Wednesday, I don't think I did anything on that day either. On Thursday, after my classes ended at 3:00 pm, Windy, Bodin, Lysa, Gabe, Fanley and I went to watch "Chicago" in the movie theather. It was a good movie. I liked the jazz music a lot (I'm downloading the soundtrack right now) and the choreography was good too. It was a fun movie. Sorta funny too. We (as in people in our group) kept on sneaking out cuz of phone calls and whatnot. After the movie, we walked across the street to Fresh Choice where the rest of the high school gang was already eating dinner. Just to name a few people that were there: Jo, Kimi, Chiwide, Elena, Robert, Sarah, Jason and Nick. Some of the guys had a lot of fun balancing toothpicks, forks, and straws (don't ask). And of all things, I had a convo with Bodin about DinoPark Tycoon -- telling how to make millions of dollars in the auctions. Haha, who would've thought that he played it too. Ah, so nostalgic. Btw, Jo needs to make tons of copies of those pics and mail to us. I must've seemed really bored cuz Fanley kept on mentioning that I looked bored. Actually, I was just tired and really out of it. I won't go into details right now, but the issue has since been resolved. After dinner I sent Windy home, and Fanley and I checked out the carnival in the parking lot of the shopping complex (there were two carnivals going on).
On Friday, I didn't have class cuz the professor cancelled it. In the morning, Windy and I went to IHOP cuz she's never been. Windy and I shared two dishes. IHOP was really xiaochi about the pancakes. There were tiny, but the boysenberry syrup was pretty good. The stuffed French toast was like eating a creme-filled doughnut for breakfast -- not the best thing in the world. It was totally deep-fried. Sorta gross actually. At 12 Wenschel, Camille, Camille's mom, and her friend, Scott's mom (Mrs. M.), and I went to Sushi Boat. That was quite an adventure (eating salad with chopsticks and the wasabi and rice incident). After that, we went to see "The Hours". The movie was good I guess. I didn't like it as much as "Chicago" though. After "The Hours" Camille's mom and Scott's mom went movie hopping. Yes, two adults movie hopping. Funny huh? We joined and watched the end of "Bringing Down the House". Camille's mom and Scott's mom continued to movie hop, but the rest of us left. As soon as I got home, my dad told me that we were going out to eat with my cousin and some family friends, Jerry-san and Iris. We went to Tofu House, this Korean restaurant. Ugh, more food. I was still stuffed from IHOP and Sushi Boat. I just ate a few spoonfuls of rice and the tofu and kimchee dish. It was a first for me: all three meals at restaurants in one day.
Saturday morning, I made banana bread. My mom wanted me to make it for the fotang potluck, but it can wait til the next potluck. I wanted to give it to Camille before she left. Later we went to Costco, and I got two more bunches of bananas (only 99¢ each bunch). Gotta make one for my mom's co-workers, one for the fotang, and maybe one for ourselves. I went to fotang as usual. When I got home I had to rush over to Camille's house to deliver the banana bread before she left, cuz I wouldn't be able to catch her the next morning. My "dropping off" the bread, as usual, turned into a long stay (1-2 hours), talking and stuff.
That's about it in regards to my week with my friends. There's actually more I want to write about, but I can't. That's one of the problems with an open journal/diary/blog (call it what you wish). There are restrictions I have to place on my writings. The aliases I use are fairly transparent to my friends, so they know who I am talking about, without the rest of the world pinpointing who they are. Oh and btw, I've mentioned a few of my close friends in my entry, if you have any objections to having your name posted in here, just contact me and I will remove you.
23:15 // 2003.03.23
Music: Ryu - My Memory
Reading: Maruis Bewley - Masks and Mirrors
I'm starting to find myself in a funk, as Jordan calls it. Life just seems so humdrum. I go to school, come home, mope around, eat, sleep, and repeat the cycle. I don't go out with friends. I don't have that someone to cuddle with, to hug or to kiss. More about that later. I don't feel particularly happy or sad. I don't feel much of anything: stoic. I don't know how I should be feeling, but I know what I want to feel. I want to feel happy, loved, and wanted. I want to know my passions, my talents, my purpose, and my direction in life. I can't sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting for these wants to spontaneously happen, so I am going to make them happen. I need to get out of this funk. I have been in it long enough.
I have decided to focus on the transfer process. I am trying my hardest to put the past behind me. I will no longer pity myself for being stuck in a community college because of what happened two years ago. I still regret some courses of action I did or did not take, and I still wish things did not turn out as they did, but I will no longer live in the past. I will not longer make excuses of how I was wronged by others. I have to work with the cards I was dealt, and make the best out of it. Everything happens for a reason, and I am determined to find that reason, and make all of this worth something. I am focusing my sights on UCLA, and I will dive headfirst into doing what I need to do to see myself there. While I may not have found my calling in life yet, this focus will give me a purpose for, at least, the duration.
Another challenge for me is to figure out what I want to major in. I think my parents are finally accepting the fact that I am seriously considering psychology. I do think the major is oversaturated though, but right now, that is what I am genuinely interested in. I am also considering business because of my experience with ES, but not seriously, more of an afterthought really. I do need to figure out what I want soon.
As for Jordan, I am stuck in a limbo. On one hand our conversations lately seem to indicated that he trusts me to a fair extent. Yet, they also leave the impression that he can never trust anyone completely ever again because of his past relationships. It breaks my heart to see him so sad. So many times I wanted to run over, hold him, maybe kiss him on the forehead -- just like in the movies, and tell him that I would never hurt him like they did, that I would love him if he'd let me. I know it sounds so sappy, but it really does hurt me to see him suffering. I wish I knew exactly how he feels towards me. If the feelings were mutual, then I could finally open myself completely to him. There would be nothing to hide anymore. Do I love him? I'm not sure what it is called. I do know that I think of him constantly. I do know that I want him to be happy, and I want to see him smile.
21:45 // 2003.03.19
Music: B.A.D. - My Lovely Girl
Reading: Michael Moore - White Frights
It is starting....
09:38 // 2003.03.09
Music: Eun JiWon - A-HA (Club version)
Reading: Eric Schlosser - Fast Food Nation
I just got back from working at the soup kitchen. I was placed in charge of the coffee and hot chocolate.... Go me! =) I came to a conclusion today. I thought I would have that same good, warm feeling that I had from helping the handicapped woman the other day (see previous entry), but no, I didn't. While serving the coffee and hot chocolate,
I was just doing my job -- just fulfilling requests. I guess, I didn't really derive any real satisfaction from doing so. That is not to say it wasn't meaningful. It is, and I will go back next week, but it just didn't have the same effect. It is the random, spontaneous acts of kindness that one feels a sense of satisfaction and a confirmation of how humans should treat one another. I think it is in the tiny things that one derives that positive feeling. For instance, the people had a choice between the two beverages. Some of them decided to create their own drink, and they requested hot chocolate mixed with coffee. I smiled at this, knowing that they could find their own happiness in these small pleasures that life has to offer. Like I said, it is in the little, unexpected things, that one finds pleasure -- the thank you's and the smiles. On a somewhat negative note, there were a few people who obviously weren't homeless. I was a little shocked that they would dare come to a soup kitchen under such a pretense. I suppose it is their own conscience that they will have to deal with. I'd like to end this entry on a positive note. I would recommend people help others, especially those who are less forunate or handicapped, just a spontaneous act. You'll be surprised at how good you will feel.
11:03 // 2003.03.07
Music: Jay Chou - Jian Dan Ai
Reading: John Grisham - The Chamber
I feel quite happy today. On one hand, spring break is starting. I have the entire next week off. Bad thing is that none of my other friends from the UCs have it off. Then there isn't really anyone from my college that I know that well. And the couple of people that I am good friends with, they are going to be out of town, so I guess I'm here by myself. I have no idea what I'm going to do that week. I'll probably end up wasting it away, watching TV and moping around. Must...be...more...productive. Camille has her spring break toward the end of the month, and we're thinking of a road trip down to Monterey. It would have to happen on Friday or Saturday cuz I still have classes. I'm guessing that on Monday, Wednesday, Thursdays, and Fridays I could hang out with her and whoever else will be back those days right after class. Tuesday would be the only day that wouldn't work, class from 9:30am to 6:30pm. Ugh! Can't wait though. Haven't seen Camille and the rest in a while.
On another note, I also feel good, cuz I helped someone the other day. It may sound stupid and trivial, but it still had that effect. Anyway, I was at the gym, and there was a handicapped lady in a wheelchair in the bathroom. I was making my way to the stalls and offered to help her if she needed my services, and she did. I held the door open for her so she could wheel herself into that handicapped stall (the door swung outward, and she couldn't manuver and keep the door open at the same time) and closed it and whatnot. Like I said, it sounds really stupid, but it still felt very good. Also, this Sunday, I might start volunteering at a local soup kitchen with Shannon AhYi. She'll give me more details tomorrow. Her timing was perfect too. I had just finished "The Street Lawyer", and after reading that book I was inspired to do some kind of charity work, and voila! Here's my chance.
12:30 // 2003.03.01
Music: Seo TaiJi - Feel the Soul
Reading: art worksheet
Spring break just a few more days away. Ms. Bartender can serve us up a few drinks. Julie and Jessica, let's go. Haha, camille's jaw just dropped, and Wenschel's likewise. What about you, uhhhh "You"? I don't want to get "You" in trouble. Seriously though, I just want to try things. Hmm, we need to decide an alias for you later on. Hey, what happened to our Mardi Gras roadtrip to New Orleans? Camille, we can do our Jet Li movie fest too. So many plans....
04:18 // 2003.03.01
Music: Takuya - Trance (demo)
Reading: John Grisham - The Partner
Ugh, I started working on the "Lend Your Voice" site earlier, but it's so complicated getting the forms to work. Well, they work, but they look ugly. I'm trying to format the borders and entire look of the form page to look crisp. Here's what I got so far. I know it doesn't look like much, but at least I got most of the formatting done. Now I just need to code the behind-the-scenes stuff so all the entries are recorded correctly and e-mailed to me. Originally, I was gonna make the website look totally awesome, with cool graphics and everything. I already have a stash of unedited images ready and waiting, but I decided not to. For one, I am completely uninspired for any type of layout. And secondly, it would just take too much time. All I need are pages for explaining the purpose of this project, an application form, and a link to the Yahoo! Groups so people can upload their mp3s. I worked on it for a while with not much success. I guess I'll just make it really plain, mostly text, with maybe one graphic. Plain to the extreme.
BTW, please ignore my writing style. As you can see, it is quite late/early and my brain isn't exactly functioning at fully capacity. So, it explains the repetition and meaningless babbling. Let's continue.
I did, however, finish updating the empyreal shop site. I put all the posters back up for sale since the two potential buyers from long ago never sent the payment. Sidenote: most of the posters have since been snatched up again by a different potential buyer. Hopefully I'll have more luck with her. Anyway, I also added an entire stationary section, which I think I should move the H.O.T. stickers way in the front, cuz people probably miss it in the back. And I added a miscellaneous section, which is ... well, miscellaneous stuff like sweatshirts, temporary tattoos, etc. Go check it out.
Totally random, but just in case some people are interested in what my desktop currently looks like. There is a screenshot for ya.
And a quick little shout out to Takuya. I'm listening to your demo. It is so cute! I feel like I'm playing some kind of cutesy video game. I can't wait to hear the final piece. Keep 'em coming! G'nite.
12:00 // 2003.02.24
Music: Vienna Teng - Gravity
Reading: John Grisham - The Partner
Why am I walking barefoot
Upon this road with no one around
I close my eyes to this decision
The night's like coffee to my tongue
Like waking up without a sound
I map the words out
Maybe you will say them
Would you help me rise up
Touch my face and watch me try to breathe again
Would you let me do this
Burn down the final wall
Overcome me baby
Overcome me baby
Overcome me baby
Overcome me yeah
All I'm asking is to be alive for once
Always I am mistaken
I look for love I find a stone
Of all the seasons winter befriends me
I come to you in friendship
And hold my breath against the snow
What are you thinking as I gaze into you
Forgive me the confusion
Forgive me as I realize my thoughts betrayed
You are the answer
Cry and smile the same
-- "Momentum" by Vienna Teng --
19:37 // 2003.02.23
Music: Vienna Teng - Goodbye for a Stormy Night
Reading: nothing
Okay, a day later. I'm starting to get pissed at "Jordan". Why is he being so difficult? HoR boy indeed. Less then two weeks ago he was being ambiguous (in a positive way). I interpreted our conversation as being his way of dropping hints that he possibly liked me. I was elated. And I played along. We were talking hypothetically about why people are too afraid to admit their feelings to one another. (hint) Was I wrong? Was it just wishful thinking? I hope not, but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment either.
As I asked before, does "Jordan" know he's the mystery guy (hint) I was writing about before? Even now I am dropping hints here and there. Only he would understand them. Argh, this is frustrating. Back to what I was saying. Last week it was nice. Then it got a little weird. A few days before Valentine's Day, we had a convo about dating and he explained how he wouldn't like to have a girlfriend right now, as I interpreted it. *ominous music plays*
I know he will read this later, so I am dropping as many hints as possible. If he is shy like we discussed, then hopefully he will see that I do like him and I will gladly accept him if he is so inclined. Do I need to rephrase that? Do I like "Jordan"? Yes, I do. If he asked me out would I say yes? Most definitely. Why don't I admit it to him? for the same reasons he hypothetically told me before. I'm scared of rejection. What if I am reading him wrong? If I tell him that I like him and the feeling isn't mutual, I just created a rift between the two of us. Therefore, I made the decision last week to do nothing until my emotions are sorted out. So, I did nothing. I did not call him, and I did not make a special effort to get online when he normally does. But I did this past weekend, left the computer on for 2 whole days logged in like 95% of the time, and nothing. I wanted to see if he would take the initiative to call me or keep in touch with me, and he failed miserably. Last time we talked he said he'll call me the following day, but I knew he wouldn't and I was correct (hint).
(Edited some parts. opted not to just strike them out. From experience, people still read them even when they are crossed out....)
12:52 // 2003.02.22
Music: Eun JiWon - A.d. 2050
Reading: nothing
Wow, he really did drop off the face of the earth this time. I'm thinking my plan to do nothing is somewhat backfiring. Does "Jordan" even know that "Jordan" is him? Sigh, well I'm not gonna call him. I don't know what to say to him. I can't say, "Where the f--- have you been?!?" I can't tell him how I've been feeling either. It's a lose-lose situation. I wonder if he likes the "other girl"? I hope not, that would hurt like hell. I'm already torturing myself with the possibility it's true. Blah, I'm outta here.
17:15 // 2003.02.01
Music: KasTOnE - 911
Reading: Leonard Chang - Over the Shoulder
Version 9.0 of tontamoo.cjb.net is inspired by the global anti-war protests that took place on February 15th (16th in SF). In a time when the American government is hell bent on invading Iraq, and most likely North Korea in the near future, layouts featuring beautiful faces (namely gasoos) just don't seem appropriate. This layout is my attempt to voice my opposition to the war. I am aware that this blog will not generate a massive amount to traffic, but I am happy to spread as much awareness as I can, no matter how little. As long as I can affect a handful of people, or even just one, I will be satisfied.
Almost every night, I hear the news anchor explain how another troop is being deployed. Now it is being reported that there are enough troops in Turkey and other countries surrounding Iraq that the United States is in position to attack at any moment. How sad. I believe we are at the point of no return. The President has spoken. He will have his war despite the fact that the world disagrees, the United Nations disagrees, and a large population of the American people do not support him. I am reminded of an opinion column I wrote for my high school newspaper about America taking military action immediately following the 9/11 attacks, "Will we still support the war when our brothers, friends, and loved ones are fighting on the battlefields, when caskets are flown home?" Words cannot describe how saddened I am that the time is looming ominously overhead.
Special thanks to Peter M. for the great photograph.
You can see pictures of anti-war protests from around the world courtesy of Yahoo! News. Specifically in the Bay Area, courtesy of Edgehill and IndyBay. To lighten the mood: a sampling of the very creative and hilarious protest signs spotted. My favorites: " Eat another pretzel, asshole", "Draft SUV drivers FIRST!", "Will trade Bush for peace", "Frodo has failed! Bush has the ring!”, "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity", "Stop Mad Cowboy Disease!", and "Somewhere in Texas a village is missing its idiot." Finally, print out your own anti-war poster from Wake the World. Post them in your windows, on your cars, anywhere you can get your hands on.
Pray for the world and the innocent civilians of Iraq and North Korea.